LDR is harder once you’ve lived together
I can’t survive a LDR today
Living with my husband has ruined my LDR resilience. Me, who prided myself as a “strong, independent woman” who can survive a year without in-person contact during the COVID pandemic.
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Before husband: My morning routine set my happy, energetic tone for the day. Wake up. Feed my dogs who get hit by zoomies upon seeing me before breakfast. Go to work. Thrive.
After husband: My morning routine involves pretending I’m a koala clinging onto my favourite eucalyptus tree until my bladder forces me out of bed. Then I make breakfast for us and do the equivalent of human zoomies with excited chatter and silly songs.
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Before husband: I'd text him constantly. "Miss you" "Look at this doggo!” “Going to martial arts/parkour/comedy/meet friends”.
After husband: Mentally filing away all the day’s stories for my evening not always funny open mic with my lone audience member who lives with me and is subjected to my brain dumps.
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Before husband: Evenings were PRODUCTIVE. Martial Arts! Parkour! Friends! Family! Dogs! All the things!!! And roll into bed and cuddle my soft toys.
After husband: Cooking dinner, brain dumping, playing games and reverting to being a koala.
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I DO have a life in this new country I’ve moved to. I enjoy time with friends but a huge part of my daily routine is now husband-shaped.
This means that now, while I'm an ocean away back in my home country with my mum, and despite my body physically doing the routine I’ve done for 11 years since 2013, my brain is in a whiny overdrive.
6:30am. My eyes open. Brain: "Where's my husband?" Mopey emotional brain groans. Logical self tells me to drag my butt out of bed to feed my dogs.
9.30pm: Tucked in. Brain: "He’s not here. I’m cold. I want a soft toy.”
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Anyway. I'm fine. Totally fine. It's been a day and I'm coping. Not as a strong, independent woman, but coping.
Which leads me to: if you know you’re embarking on an LDR, don’t live together unless you really have to and plan to marry the person soon enough.
The routine you build with your loved one will make the LDR so much worse.
I don’t think I could survive an LDR if we had ever lived together before marriage.